I AM FREE!

Through You, the darkness flees
Through You, my heart screams
I am free
Yes, I am free!

 

I am free to run, I am free to dance

I am free to live for You
I am free!

 

As I stood in church this morning and sang this song, something inside me clicked. I closed my eyes and blocked out all of my surroundings, and I rejoiced in the Lord's presence. I sang straight to him with all of my heart, and when the song was over I repeated in my head the words "I am free, I am free", hoping that God would hear me and help me to believe it.

This morning, I am proud to say I began to believe it.

I have been holding myself back for so long, afraid to try new things and too anxious to step out of my comfort zone. My eating disorder has made me feel like I am wrapped in chains, and they are pulled tighter and tighter when I try to break free. I wanted to escape from the pain, and I prayed over and over to God that I was sick and tired of feeling this way and I just wanted it all to end. But I didn't have faith in the fact that he had things under control, that I was going to be okay, and that there would be a happy ending. Those don't only exist in movies, you know, but I couldn't imagine that I myself, Leanne Renee, would ever have a happy ending.

This morning, I am proud to say I began to believe it.

By accepting the Lord into my heart and letting him take the wheel, I've already been redeemed. Christ broke straight through the chains and lifted me up, exclaiming that I was free to run and free to dance and free to live for him.

What does that actually mean?

It means that I am essentially free to do whatever I want as long as I do it in God's favor. What does God want me to do, that I am now free to do?

RECOVER.
I can recover, I can withdraw myself from my sinful addictions and desires, I can hang out with friends like I've been too afraid to do, I can go out to dinner with my family, I can chase my dreams and conquer my fears, because I AM FREE to do those things! Nothing will hold me back any longer.

Nothing.

This morning, I am proud to say I began to believe that.

This is my life, not my eating disorder's life. I'm kicking that piece of nothing to the curb and I'll be the driver from now- wait, no. I'll be the passenger, because the driver's seat is already taken. ;) But now I'll have all the room in the world without that pesky ED sitting on top of me.

 

Through Him, the darkness flees
Through Him, my heart screams
YOU are free
Yes, YOU are free!

 

YOU are free to run, YOU are free to dance

YOU are free to live for Him

YOU are free!