I'm back :)
I have been figuring a lot of things out in my life and didn't want to make a post or update if it wasn't going to be positive or the least bit hopeful. So, you've guessed it- I am feeling slightly hopeful. I am going to write more posts this summer when I have more time and lots of challenging things will be happening in my recovery, such as having more unoccupied free time and traveling.
Current Song: I have stopped listening to music other than Christian music almost completely. The station K-Love has changed my life! The first thing I do every morning is turn K-Love on the radio. The uplifting words in each and every song help me get through the day and the challenges that come with it. Despite never switching the radio station from K-Love, my cousin told me to listen to a song called Noserings and Shoestrings by Nina Nesbitt. I AM OFFICIALLY A NESBIAN. Seriously if you haven't heard that song, leave my blog and go listen to it. I'll understand.
Current TV Series: This one is a no-brainer at the moment- The Secret Life of the American Teenager. OBSESSED. Addicted. In LOVE. This series started in 2009, way back to my 10-year old days. It is certainly not appropriate for a 10-year old to engage in watching this show because of all the talk about sex and relationships and pregnancy. My family just got Netflix a few months ago and I've been in an exclusive relationship with it ever since. I saw this show come up as a suggestion and started with the first episode, and now I'm almost up to the 3rd season in less than two weeks. It's consuming my life and I am perfectly okay with that.
Current Pastime: My Aunt brought me over her old guitar when she visited a few weeks ago. It's the perfect size for me and it works like new! I'm slightly tempted to decorate it in stickers... anyways, I am psyched to learn more and more. My Christian mentor and friend is teaching me to play. She is amazing herself and I think we are moving a bit too fast, but I'll get the hang of it. It makes me so excited when I play something and it sounds half-decent. :) I'm currently learning how to play Noserings and Shoestrings! Long story short, my parents can say goodbye to a quiet and peaceful household.
Current Triumph: I am really proud of myself lately just for how far I have come the past few years. I look at my scars with anguish and shame, but then victoriously remember that it's been 264 days since I've mutilated my body. That, I think, is something to thank God for. Not only have I come a long way in my self harm recovery, but I have come a long way in my recovery from anxiety and depression as well. I used to be overcome with social anxiety to the point where I would hide in bathrooms and cry, or beg my parents to let me stay home from school and even make myself throw up so they would think I'm sick. I'm feel a wave of humiliation when I even think about the things I used to do and lie about to avoid situations. Today I commit to things and I go to them, even if I am not feeling up to the challenge of dealing with people. It is so much easier for me, and I have evolved into a happier and friendlier person.
Current Food: I'm not crazy for any specific food right now, but I'm loving all the ripe in-season summer fruits. Kiwis, my first figs, strawberries, watermelon, blackberries- my mouth is watering just thinking about it. I was thinking about asking my dad for a weekly food budget for just myself so that I can spend the money wisely and have some more responsibility. I'll have my own job soon and I'll be driving before I know it and I think it's time I start setting priorities and managing responsibilities. I really hope he goes for it! Then I can go grocery shopping myself and ride my bike around to find all the great deals on fresh fruits and veggies of my choice.
Current Drink: Lately with the rising summer temperatures, I've been enjoying a good old glass of water (or two, or thirty-five). I usually add a few frozen ice cubes or a squirt of lemon and maybe even some fresh cucumber. I went to whole foods the other day and they had a jug of free water with watermelon- what a refreshing combination! I personally would rather eat the watermelon and drink the water, but it's good knowing that together they make a happy couple. My prediction is that iced coffee will be my upcoming drink of choice.
Woah there Leanne, you're supposed to be talking about a blessing and here you are lying on your bed past midnight complaining about your life! No no no. Let me start over. I said that the most eminent current blessing I have settled on was the change of seasons. It's absolutely astonishing how nature works. Nature knows that when the temperature gets cooler, the air gets crisper, and the skies get cloudier, it's time to let all the leaves change colors from an earthy green to vibrant shades of orange, red, scarlet, and yellow. Nature knows that when rain freezes before hitting the earth, animals gather food in preparation for their hibernation, and moisture departs from the air, it's time to let the plants and trees lose their leaves and give the creatures of this earth a nice environment to rest. Nature knows that when the temperatures steadily creep back up, the sun starts to peak out from beneath the muggy skies, and living things begin to awaken and spring back to life, it's time to rain and nourish the plants and trees with clean water. Nature knows that when the plants are blossoming, the grey clouds take a vacation, and the birds are chirping and singing like they're on top of the world, it's time to turn the world into a bright and beautiful place for wildlife to roam and people to explore.
It's a pretty fascinating system, don't you think?
Current Hair: I was really hoping to have my natural dirty blonde hair back for summer, but after dying it black a few months ago it's going to be impossible to make that the reality without damaging my already damaged hair. Basically, it would most likely fall out or break off if I bleached it. So I settled on dying it red again, since that was my personal favorite and every single person I asked thought the same as well. I'm not sure what shade of red, and I probably won't know until I go to my hair dresser in two weeks. I think I'm going to do a dark red so that the sun will fade it out over the summer and I'll end up having a sun-kissed shade of auburn for the first day of school. At least, that would be my expectation. Too bad things don't usually work out quite as you imagine them. Hey, as long as there is hair left on my head that isn't grey, I'm satisfied.
Current Wish: I have one wish right now and one wish only and that wish is to have an outstanding, fun-packed, active, exciting, and memorable summer with myself and my friends.
Current Memorable Moment: More like recent memorable moment, but I wanted to stick to the "currently" theme =) A couple of weeks ago I was on a field trip with my 9th grade class to a camp called Camp America. There were so many entertaining things to do there and everything was old-school outside fun! There were fields and courts for every sport you could think of- even miniature golf, kayaking and paddle boating, a picnic style lunch, and pools with waterslides. My friends and I were too busy with this little guy- Freddy- to do any of that, though.
Seriously, though, when was the last time you got to hold and play with a baby squirrel? This was definitely my first experience in that field of opportunity. Every squirrel I've ever come across ran the opposite direction when it saw a glimpse of me coming, but this lil' bud came to us! He has some difficulty with goodbyes, too, because he tried to follow us back onto the bus at the end of the day. I just can't get over the cuteness factor! We took over 100 pictures of him and they all came out perfecto. Freddy was quite the photogenic type.
Well I've gotta get back to listening to Nina Nesbitt, playing my guitar, watching The Secret Life, eating fruit, drinking water, and admiring adorable baby squirrel pictures- and you should go and do the same!
Auf Wiedersehen :)
